Fathers & Sons
------------------------------
Heard this on "The Greaseman" on WWDC 101.1-FM this morning in DC...
Four guys have been golfing together for years. Throughout the years, they
have discussed various aspects of their lives, with one exception: they never
talk about their sons. This is because one of the men has a son who is a
flaming, out-of-the-closet homosexual, and the other men don't want to make
him feel bad.
One week, however, the man with the gay son is late to the country club, so the
other three are sitting around the table and inevitably start talking about
their sons.
"My son the Mercedes salesman," says one, "has been doing so well lately that
last week, he tells me, he GAVE a friend of his a brand new Benz!"
"Ah, that's nothing," says the second one, "My son, the marina owner, has been
so successful lately that last week he gave one of his friends a brand new
speedboat!"
"MY son," says the third, "has done so exceptionally well in the real estate
market, that last week he gave a friend of his a whole HOUSE!"
Just then the fourth man walks in and says, "You know, I never thought my son
would amount to anything. But then, just last week, his three lovers gave him
a new Mercedes, a speedboat and a house!"
Talented Frog
-------------------------
An attractive woman entered a pet shop. When the clerk offered
assistance, she explained that she was recently divorced, and was looking
for a small-ish dog for company.
The clerk explained that the name of the store was 'Exotic Pets' and
that, unfortunately, they did not stock cats, dogs, fish or any commonplace
pets.
He did say, however, that he had something which might be ideal.
He took the woman into a back room. He walked over to a terrarium, and
pointed proudly to a large bullfrog which sat inside it.
"Would that suit your needs?" he asked.
The woman answered, scornfully, that she hardly thought an
amphibian would be a suitable companion.
"Ah," replied the salesman, leering, "but this 'amphibian' has been
carefully trained ... to perform oral sex upon women."
At this the woman's eyes lit up. She eagerly negotiated a price of $500
for the frog, and left with it in her expectant possession. Arriving home,
she drew a bubble bath, poured a glass of champagne and relaxed in
anticipation. When she was thoroughly mellow, she dried herself, and
arranged herself, nude, upon her bed. Parting her thighs, she placed the
frog between them, closed her eyes, and waited.
Nothing happened.
She prodded the frog.
Still nothing.
She moved it up further toward her body.
Nothing.
She ordered it to perform.
No response.
After an hour of this frustration, she lifted the phone, and called the
pet shop. When the clerk answered, she complained loudly that she had been
cheated. The clerk apologized profusely, wrote down her address, and said
he'd be right over.
Ten minutes later, he knocked on the door, and the woman answered, wearing
a nightgown. He asked her to demonstrate the problem. She obliged, by
disrobing and assuming her former position, with the frog in place.
The frog made no movement.
"You see?" she asked, petulantly.
"Yes, I do," said the man.
Then, addressing the frog as he removed his necktie and shirt, he
said, "Now, I'm only going to show you this one more time..."
-------------------------
An attractive woman entered a pet shop. When the clerk offered
assistance, she explained that she was recently divorced, and was looking
for a small-ish dog for company.
The clerk explained that the name of the store was 'Exotic Pets' and
that, unfortunately, they did not stock cats, dogs, fish or any commonplace
pets.
He did say, however, that he had something which might be ideal.
He took the woman into a back room. He walked over to a terrarium, and
pointed proudly to a large bullfrog which sat inside it.
"Would that suit your needs?" he asked.
The woman answered, scornfully, that she hardly thought an
amphibian would be a suitable companion.
"Ah," replied the salesman, leering, "but this 'amphibian' has been
carefully trained ... to perform oral sex upon women."
At this the woman's eyes lit up. She eagerly negotiated a price of $500
for the frog, and left with it in her expectant possession. Arriving home,
she drew a bubble bath, poured a glass of champagne and relaxed in
anticipation. When she was thoroughly mellow, she dried herself, and
arranged herself, nude, upon her bed. Parting her thighs, she placed the
frog between them, closed her eyes, and waited.
Nothing happened.
She prodded the frog.
Still nothing.
She moved it up further toward her body.
Nothing.
She ordered it to perform.
No response.
After an hour of this frustration, she lifted the phone, and called the
pet shop. When the clerk answered, she complained loudly that she had been
cheated. The clerk apologized profusely, wrote down her address, and said
he'd be right over.
Ten minutes later, he knocked on the door, and the woman answered, wearing
a nightgown. He asked her to demonstrate the problem. She obliged, by
disrobing and assuming her former position, with the frog in place.
The frog made no movement.
"You see?" she asked, petulantly.
"Yes, I do," said the man.
Then, addressing the frog as he removed his necktie and shirt, he
said, "Now, I'm only going to show you this one more time..."
It is alif
-----------
Once upon a day, ada orang arab yang sedang berlibur ke pantai kuta,
Bali. Dia sempat terperangah sebab di pantai itu semua orang pada
berbugil ria sambil berjemur.
Karena gerogi, si-orang arab langsung buka dia punya jubah hingga
tanpa selembar benang pun. Kontan saja cewe-cewe bule yang pada
berjemur langsung merubung karena kagum sama 'punya'-nya si arab yang
pande (panjang en gede).
Cewe-cewe bule pada teriak histeris "Wooow".
Si orang arab langsung protes keras "No, no, you're wrong. This is not
'wau', but this is 'alif'".
AMSTERDAM (2)
--------------------------------
There once was this white fella who was feeling lonely because his
wife-to-be, Wanda, was on vacation. He wanted to do something for her that
would both impress her as well as proclaim his undying ever-enduring love
for her.
After much contemplation he thought what better way than to have her
name, "Wanda," actually tattooed onto his body. Further consideration of his
idea resulted in his deciding to have her name tattooed right onto his
penis. So he went to a tattoo parlor and had it done immediately.
Well, because of the nature of the terrain, the tattoo usually said,
"WA." But he knew she would be surprised and delighted to see her whole name
on his penis once it became erect. He could hardly wait for her return.
The scabs wore off just in time too, as she was due home from her
vacation. He went to meet her at the airport, beaming to himself as he
imagined her pleasure at discovering his surprise. He could hardly even
contain himself.
While he was waiting for her plane, he went into the washroom to have a
pee. He marched right up the urinal next to a tall black fella who was just
shaking it off. The white fella looks down and says, "Hey wow!!! You've got
a "WA" your penis too! What a coincidence!" The black fella looks at him.
"I just had mine done - it really says `Wanda,'" beamed the white fella,
"What does yours say?"
The black fella looks down at him, gives a big wide smile and says,
"Well mine says, `WELCOME TO BEAUTIFUL JAMAICA'" .... >
--------------------------------
There once was this white fella who was feeling lonely because his
wife-to-be, Wanda, was on vacation. He wanted to do something for her that
would both impress her as well as proclaim his undying ever-enduring love
for her.
After much contemplation he thought what better way than to have her
name, "Wanda," actually tattooed onto his body. Further consideration of his
idea resulted in his deciding to have her name tattooed right onto his
penis. So he went to a tattoo parlor and had it done immediately.
Well, because of the nature of the terrain, the tattoo usually said,
"WA." But he knew she would be surprised and delighted to see her whole name
on his penis once it became erect. He could hardly wait for her return.
The scabs wore off just in time too, as she was due home from her
vacation. He went to meet her at the airport, beaming to himself as he
imagined her pleasure at discovering his surprise. He could hardly even
contain himself.
While he was waiting for her plane, he went into the washroom to have a
pee. He marched right up the urinal next to a tall black fella who was just
shaking it off. The white fella looks down and says, "Hey wow!!! You've got
a "WA" your penis too! What a coincidence!" The black fella looks at him.
"I just had mine done - it really says `Wanda,'" beamed the white fella,
"What does yours say?"
The black fella looks down at him, gives a big wide smile and says,
"Well mine says, `WELCOME TO BEAUTIFUL JAMAICA'" .... >
